If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.
For a teenage girl with Down syndrome, these wise words were no exception.
As an individual with a disability, you are under a lens that is far more micro than most. As long as Leah can remember, she has worked with counselors, teachers; her parents and service coordinators, developing detailed plans for her future.
For many of us, as students, we would encounter the generic, “what do you want to be when you grow up,” assignment in class. We’d sit at our desks and think for a moment, then blurt out the first thing that came to mind. I wanted to be a Dolphin Trainer for a couple of years. Upon realizing how many science classes I’d have to take to make this happen, I completely abandoned ship. It was never that “pressing” of a question for many of us.
For Leah, every year, multiple times a year, she would sit down with others to discuss goals, a plan, and her future – very seriously. While this was essential for her success, it also planted a lot of seeds in her mind to always be thinking forward, and to be thinking with great intention.
I recently reflected with my mom on these meetings. She said that as Leah neared the end of her teenage years, having her own apartment was one of the first things that would come out of her mouth. My parents knew they would have to get creative with this, quickly, while “moving forward” all along. Without hesitation, they started taking action.
As mentioned in the post prior, this was right around the time that our middle sister, Megan, had fallen in love and found her match. Anyone who knows Paul, you know that he’s someone you instantly trust. If Paul doesn’t have a solution for your situation immediately, he will find it in the next couple of hours, and after some research, will become an expert at the task at hand.
Paul’s talent in construction was very evident, but at this time, he had not tackled any huge remodeling projects entirely independently. My parent’s knew the importance of creating a space for Leah to call her own – so when Paul offered to remodel our basement, my dad put the sledgehammer in his hands without hesitation. Mind you, Paul was 18 years old at the time. Hacking away at our home, literally tearing down walls.
Planning out Leah’s future bedroom, circa 2002.
This speaks to me on many levels, but at the peak is the truth that when your family has a need, you.do.not.hesitate.
Tear down the walls. Make the space. Give the teenage boyfriend a sledgehammer. Leah needs her own space and we are going to make that happen. Green light. GO.
Paul and Leah working on the space that would serve as the first try at her own apartment in our family basement!
I was blessed to witness this last week on Valentine’s Day, when Leah and mine’s very first nephew, James, was born. James came about 8 weeks early. Because of this, I had a front row seat to exactly this response. No hesitation. Green light. GO. Megan and Paul trusted the incredible NICU doctors and nurses. Instead of a sledgehammer, there was an IV. Anything for the wellness of this child. I am thrilled to report baby James and family are all doing great.
James is growing every day!
Rewind 15 years, and Paul remodeled our basement to perfectly fit our needs. He installed a kitchen for Leah and finished her bedroom. He created the space we needed at the time. Before long, Leah moved downstairs. Again, this didn’t pan out as we had initially expected…but it’s all part of the journey, right?
It has been a while when Paul start to make the kitchen area for my first apartment in the basement of Applewood. I did try it out and did good to try it out and then we had to bring me back upstairs after a while.
The first trial at Leah’s “apartment” bedroom in the basement of our childhood home.
I have to go back upstairs because I can’t remember how many times but I stay up really late at night a lot of times.
And also and in addition to when I stay up late I got sick too and I didn’t know to call my Mom or my Dad or not because they were sleeping upstairs and I got sick. I kinda got it from my boyfriend Mark it was the stomach flu. I have to go back and forth to the bathroom and I was downstairs and they were sleeping.
And then the next morning they didn’t know about it and they came downstairs and see what happened. I was trying to get ready for bed and I have a flu attack.
I don’t want to talk about it as much.
When I first try it out I did really good and I was also probably a little bit young like a teenager. Now I have learned a lot of things of being on my own by myself. And I know that my Mom and my Dad will come be with me if I get sick at my apartment now.
I didn’t have the things like a schedule or anything like that with me at my first apartment. And now I have one and can follow it too.
I moved my room back upstairs to help not to stay up way late at night anymore. I was still able to use my kitchen in the basement and the hang out room to watch a lot of award shows and play pool in the basement. But to sleep and at night my bedroom was upstairs again. I did good to try it out for my first time when I was young.
Leah continued to practice using her own kitchen area downstairs – washing her own dishes and cooking on her own.
“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”
It would be another 14 years until Leah stood in front of the door to her very own apartment. She has come impressively far. Her resilience through experiences like this has taught me so much over the years. She was able to recognize that she was not ready while never giving up.
So often, we forget one of the most important pieces of our dreams; patience. Every step along the journey is a learning experience. Leah now knows how to respond to moments she is in need. She wanted the dream before she was 19 years old. She got the dream at 35 years old. And though it’s felt like an eternity, her dream was realized as it should have been. Again, Leah teaches us through her journey. Have patience, work hard, and trust in timing.
Here’s to turning our minds Upside Down.
Love these blogs, so inspirational!!
Encouraging!
A lesson for all of us — a journey often has setbacks but you keep going! Leah is an inspiration to all of us. Thanks both of you for this account, especially how a family (and a boyfriend) supported a dream.